Do I Look Fat to You?

I was just outside thinking and enjoying the weather.  It is my anniversary weekend with my amazing husband.  We have been married for 19 together for 20.  We have raised two amazing boys.  We love each other.  He loves me, even though I am sick and so many husbands/partners run for the hills when their mate becomes ill.  Not my husband, he works even harder because I have not been able to work.

I was thinking outside about selfies and that people make fun of selfies, but that for someone like me it is a really big deal to post a picture of yourself for everyone to see.

I figure they all three deserve the best version of myself that I can possibly give them.  Back to being outside thinking.  I was thinking about how much weight I have gained, but how lately I have been dieting pretty hard.  I don’t have scales, why upset yourself on purpose?

I know I gain weight by what I can get on..  Like when my underwear starting curling and falling down, I figure I am gaining and it is time for new panties.  That sounds very simple but it has been one of my greatest losses, my thin self.

I have gained around 80 pounds from medication.  My meds all say “will cause weight gain” so I figure that added to the fact that I can barely walk I would indeed gain weight.  I was not prepared for how it would make me feel.  I can’t STOP thinking about my fat chin.  Well, couldn’t..  until recently.

I was out at a bar with my hubby and friends and there was a fluffy lady sitting beside me on a bench outside.  Someone went to take a picture and she shied away and said, “please don’t take a picture of my double chin.” I realized I was sitting right there and didn’t think once about her double chin, even though I was obsessed about mine.  It’s in OUR heads, not others.  It’s about how we perceive things. I told her that.  That I think about mine constantly, but other people don’t look at me and think..  “ooh, double chin”…

Here is the magic part, we get what we put out into the universe.  Like the secret, only not bullshit.  It’s ancient, the thoughts that we have, even if we don’t say them out loud, are our reality.  It’s up to us if we want to change our own reality.

The reason I talked about the selfie is because it may be shameless, but I like that word..  Shameless..  and I also like the fact that I am happy enough with myself to post pics on the internet.  It takes guts to put yourself out there.  So be shameless, post that pic of yourself.

Remember this one thing, it is in your head.  You are in charge.  People absolutely love you, no matter your size.  The people that you love?  They deserve someone who loves themselves.