Just Smile and Nod

Just Smile and Nod

It happened.  It finally happened and I caught her in the act.  Let me explain.  Yesterday we stopped at the liquor store.  I was having a really hard time walking.  It was a nightmare.  I was fibro walking to the max, including frequent stops at the posts so that I could make it to my car.

I tried to go quickly to the car.  You warriors know how this is..  Coming in hot bitches, better not be in my seat.. I looked at her as I turned around to squeeze my ass in the car and there she stood with her shorts and cowboy boots and cute little hat..

She was laughing at me.  She caught me looking and said “Are you okay?” with that big fake smile those pretty bitches have that make men melt?  You know what I mean.  Except I am not a man and my life is falling apart.

I answered her..  I said.. venomously, that I have fibromyalgia.  She stopped laughing.  Hubby says I look drunk when I fibro walk, but I really don’t.  I need to lean because I am weak but I am not wobbly.  At any rate, he fell for the pretty smile.  I knew better.

I cried on the way home.  I know that a million people talk about me behind my back..  I am ok with that.  When you see that I am obviously in a great deal of pain and you laugh at me..  2 days after I find out that I cannot finish the 24 credits I need for school?  Well it was too fucking much.

She giggled and shook her ass and every little ol thing was just fine.  I was not fine.  Not even close.  I do not even see a FINE in my future.  I know it is there and I will find my path again.  I am used to starting over.

Today has been better.  My heart is not hurting quite so much.  I feel like I have some options and I know that, at some point, I will finish school.  Until then I will simply have to kick ass wherever I can.

So, even when it is out of the kindness of your heart (not the case with the tiny shorts girl), remember, that someone walking/talking/wheeling..  whatever, if they are not falling down or yelling for help, a simple smile and a hello is needed, we will tell you if help is what we need.


About Phoenix Rose

I am a fibromyalgia warrior. I was forced to quit my job, and I spent two years in bed trying to stop my heart with my mind. TWO YEARS. I spend so much time working on this blog because maybe I can prevent just one person from giving up, then I will have considered it a job well done. I am attending university to gain my bachelor's degree in both sociology and psychology. Fibromyalgia is not the end of your life, it is just the end of your life as you know it. Life is still sweet, and we all have something to live for. I am attending University online.. Psychology and Sociology double major. I am not selling a damn thing, I am only writing with raw honesty about this affliction that has forced me to find out just who I am now. Version 2.0 if you will. I know that I went through Marine Corp boot camp and nothing we did there was more difficult than what I now face. I talk about my journey, maybe you read some of my stuff and realize you aren't alone... that is a start. Live, Love, and Fight.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s