Category Archives: women

Fibromyalgia Makes me Hate Myself

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Fibromyalgia Makes me Hate Myself

It’s not like when I was in middle school and really hated myself.  It’s more like I have all these things that are broken and don’t work.  I am a hot mess a lot of the time.  I hate that aspect of myself.

My fellow warriors, you may not hear my body screaming, but I know you know what I mean.  Even when I am having a good day my body is still screaming.  I write, so surely my vocabulary is varied enough..  but no.  I have tried to think of better ways to describe what it is like and I simply cannot.  My body is like a toddler throwing a damn fit.

I am surrounded by crafts and coloring books and  computers and my Chromebook.  I have no right to feel bad or bored or complain about my situation.  Tons of people have it so much worse, and truly I don’t forget about that.  Ever.  Except I think that we are allowed to complain as well.

My husband doesn’t like it when I need him.  I am at a really low point lately and I simply don’t know even what is wrong.  I need a hug and a pat on the head, but he doesn’t “do” that.  I love him, don’t get me wrong..  this is a thing I accept about him, but it is really trying at times.

Every single day I tell myself, today I will color a picture.  Then I end up binge watching a show and I don’t.

Every day I tell myself that I will write.  No matter what.  Then, guess that happens?  You got it…  TV shows.

Every single day I say I will make one piece of jewelry..  Not a shocker..  I don’t.

I am in a huge rut and I don’t have it in me to pretend like I am happy anymore, at the moment.  I am OKAY most of the time.  I pretend for 90 percent of it that I am happy but truly my body is screaming and I am miserable.

This post is about ranting, but it is also to point out that we need to hit these lows at times.  I think it is healthy for us to express these feelings.  Surely keeping them hidden is horrible and difficult.

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I never feel pretty…  well almost never.  I know this post is all over the place, but fibro is all over the place so I know you can keep up.  I had my friends dye my dreadlocks blue and purple and I feel pretty for the first time in SO long.  I don’t remember the last time.

So, am I telling you to color your hair blue?  No, but you should certainly do something outside your comfort zone.

My current goal in life is to do things as often as possible that make me uncomfortable and then write about them.  That is my new project and I am going to do it dammit…  I am..  I have stopped watching shows for the moment..  but I have found a video game I might be getting addicted to.

So, stay tuned and I will see you soon.

 

 

 

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On Women and Magic

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On Women and Magic

This one is for the Ladies

Ladies!  I just thought of something interesting and I must share it right away.

So..  We know that when we spend a lot of time around other women that our menstrual cycles line up.  Mostly when this comes up women treat the fact like it is old hat.  Admittedly, it is old hat but I think we should look more closely.

Biological clocks, periods, and other women.  We biologically do this thing with women simply because of their proximity.  I realized what a miracle this is.  I was then immediately touched by what this should mean on many other levels.

We have been taught by the media that we should look a certain way.  It’s hard to be a confident woman in the present day US of A.  We are inundated by images constantly.  The real shitty part is that they are doing that on purpose.  If they make you hate yourself enough you will buy whatever they are selling.

If only I could help women see that our magic..  our power.. Comes from sisterhood and working closely together.  It is like a superpower that we can literally link our bodies,  I want women thinking about that instead of losing another 5 pounds or having the right hair cut…

It Isn’t about being prettier than all the other girls in the bathroom; it’s about seeing her soul and cooperating with it in the best way you can.  We have the power and the magic to accomplish so much…

…I just wish I could make you all SEE the magic too